Confession and spiritual guidance are very different things! It is essential that we understand this, so that we know what to reach for and we have peace in our troubled times.

What is confession? 

Put straightforwardly, in confession I reveal my sins. Simply, without complications, not out of a troubled conscience, but out of a clear one. This means that I do not analyze myself or compare myself (to others, especially not the saints), and I do not measure myself or judge myself. I do not self-diagnose, I do not determine how I am, I just present myself, with my sins, to Christ my true Physician. Although the substance of spiritual progression is thankfulness, that depends on the avoidance of these very common mistakes: self-analysis, self-measure, self-comparison, and self-judgement. But then, how can I confess without self-analysis? To answer this question and to emphasize how important this avoidance is, here are some holy voices:

“Do not measure yourself in any deed” (St. Isaiah ). Do not judge yourself for what you have done--good, bad, virtue, sin--or compare it with others. How often we are dealing with this thing! Let us forget what is behind us and show no interest in what we have done. For by analyzing, we discover that we have done something important or something bad, something great and good and more accomplished than someone else or something smaller. Whether we judge the thing in itself, or in connection to our neighbor, we will fall into one of the traps: either into pride, if it is something good and greater, or into despair, misery, into the disintegration of our self, if it is not good. This is so since, as long as we believe that we are mature, that we have power within us, we bear the inaptitude of Adam and Eve, the frail ego that our ancestors bequeathed us. Therefore, in order to remain untroubled by thoughts, never stay to analyze what you have done. This is valid for all that happens with us. But how then will I confess if I don’t judge? In confession I don’t make an analysis of my deeds, but the revealing of my sins. This is a different thing, since I do not evaluate my deeds, but I simply relate them. I don’t stay to think what I have done that morning, what I have done and what I have not done, since this thing creates in my soul a suffocating atmosphere. If we convince ourselves that we have done something good, you do understand into how much egotism we can fall. The word “do not measure yourself in any deed” is the true wisdom. Most, when they fell, they also fell for this reason. Or we use it to justify our passions. For example: I sinned once and afterwards I tell myself “what good is repentance”? What misery! How much is our self torn to shreds this way! (Elder Aimilianos, Λόγος περί νήψεως)

He [Abba Poemen] also said, 'To throw yourself before God, not to measure your progress, to leave behind all self-will; these are the instruments for the work of the soul.' (Gerontikon Poemen 36) 

Abba Poemen said that a brother who lived with some other brothers asked Abba Bessarion, 'What ought I to do?' The old man said to him, 'Keep silence and do not measure yourself.' (Gerontikon Poemen 79–correction of Ward)

Abba Poemen said that Abba Paphnutius used to say, 'During the whole lifetime of the old men, I used to go to see them twice a month, although it was a distance of twelve miles. I told them each of my thoughts and they never answered me anything but this, "Wherever you go, do not judge yourself and you will be at peace” (Gerontikon, Paphnutius 3) 

A brother who shared a lodging with other brothers asked Abba Bessarion, 'What should I do?' The old man replied, 'Keep silence and do not measure yourself.' (Gerontikon Bessarion 10–correction of Ward) 

Abba John said, “. . . When you are despised do not get angry; be at peace, and do not render evil for evil. Do not pay attention to the faults of others, and do not try to compare yourself with others, knowing you are less than every created thing.” (Gerontikon, John the Dwarf 34) 

Do not measure yourself in any deed, so that you may be untroubled in your thoughts. (St. Isaiah the Anchorite, On wakefulness 3.1) 

Simplicity and the will of not measuring yourself cleanse the heart from evil. The one who compares himself in any deed will not escape the sadness of heart. (St. Isaiah the Anchorite, On wakefulness 6.2) 

Be alert without the devil of sadness, lest poverty and great sorrow prevent you from attaining the great virtues, which consist in not measuring yourself, in being able to endure insults, and in not being taken into account in all things of this world. If you do not strive to attain these things, renouncing them will bring you the crowns of the soul. For it is not those who have renounced and become poor in the visible realm who are poor, but those who have become poor of all wickedness and hunger always for the remembrance of God.. (St. Isaiah the Anchorite, Teachings)

Not measuring yourself will bring you tears. (St. Isaiah the Anchorite, On wakefulness 22.8) 

You are right not to attach much importance to what you have. Trifles . . . what business do you have with them?! And, in general, you should not concern yourself too much with your own person. The Holy Fathers say: "Do not measure yourself." The best measure for oneself is: "I have nothing. Lord, give me a good start! Lord, with the judgments you know, save me! " And cast away any thought that tells you to measure yourself, and, forgetting what is behind, whatever it may be, strive for what is ahead (cf. Phil. 3:13). The enemy will urge you to measure yourself so that pride may ruin everything. Always say to yourself: "I have nothing, I have no reason to measure myself." (St. Teophan the Recluse, Letter 256)

To return to my point. Confession offers “absolution” of sins in the original sense of the word, a liberation from the worries and “cares” of our fallen life, things that weigh us down and keep us in the mire of our existence outside of God. Therefore, confession is a reintegration into the life of Christ and his Church. Individual sins are forgiven, but only individual sins, “those which one has confessed,” as the traditional (“Greek”) actual prayer of absolution goes. One is not forgiven those sins which one has not confessed. 

So it is not sinlessness that confession offers us. It is humility, liberation, peace, and forgiveness of the sins that our feeble human understanding allows us to identify and remember. Therefore, unexpectedly enough, confession refocuses us, re-orients us. It shifts the focus away from our sins which—in their committing—took our attention away from Christ and on which—even in the act of repentance—we dwelled enough (but briefly!) in order to be able to point them out. Confession restores our attention to where it should be—on Christ himself. This is the “discernment” or clarity to which the Apostle Paul refers as what Communion requires: understanding that I am sinful and orienting this reality toward Christ. 

For this reason I must avoid the following pitfalls.

• I should not provide stories with my sins. The longer the stories, the more my ego will take over and justify what I have done.
• I should not use adjectives for myself or for what I have done. Christ decides on what or how I am, not me. All I know is what I have done, only he knows me truly for what I am.
• I should not look at what others have done, even if what I have done is in reaction to their behavior.
• I need not confess shortly or immediately before I commune, so that I do not have time to sin after being forgiven. To push confession as close to Communion as possible shows an absolute trust in the fact that a penitent has confessed everything and that someone can be truly sinless. Yet, as many prayers say, sins are voluntary and involuntary, of word, deed, or thought, in knowledge or ignorance etc. This practice increases an obsession with sin, when our obsession should only be with Christ himself.
• I do not go to confession in order to relinquish my freedom. I do not expect my father confessor to tell me what to do, what decisions to take. The abandonment of my freedom (and my responsibility with it) is not the purpose of confession or spiritual guidance. Rather, both confession and spiritual guidance build us up to be people as Christ wants us, mature in him—responsible, decisive, at peace, free, good-hearted, and clear-headed. 
• One of the common and severe pitfalls is to confess on a schedule, on a fixed frequency. What, do we sin on a schedule, too? One should not worry about how often they “should” confess, but rather the focus is on developing that “good conscience” not obsessed with sins that will nudge me to go at the right times, whenever I need to. At some times in our lives this can be more often, at other times this can be more rare, depending on where our hearts are and on whether they have been distracted from Christ.

What is spiritual guidance?

Unlike in confession, where I only reveal my sins, in spiritual guidance I reveal all things on which I wish to receive guidance, both sinful and not sinful—my thoughts, my inclinations, my temptations, my experiences, etc.

A spiritual guide or elder is someone more advanced in the knowledge of how spiritual life works. It is not necessarily someone perfect, fully grown in Christ to the full measure of his stature, but just someone more advanced, someone who can get us ourselves through the segment of the journey in which we are. This person needs not be a priest or bishop or monastic. It can be a lay person, man or woman. They must just have the knowledge to see us through our rough patches.

Must one have an elder or spiritual guide? No. Certainly not on a regular basis. We should not despair if there is no one around us to guide us. It is not this guidance that will give us forgiveness or the Kingdom itself. Confession and Communion will, not spiritual guidance. 

Nevertheless, your father confessor can also be your elder if you find him mature enough for it. Yet, at all times, even if we receive both confession and spiritual guidance from him, we must keep in mind the essential distinction between the two and not confuse them. We ought to be aware of what we need when we approach him—confession or spiritual guidance—and ask accordingly.